Feelings ....

I didn't mean to write the last blog in a sad or depressing way - explaining my love experiences and dating for years and years and years!!! It's my life, apart of me and I was just explaining it. Sometimes I need to explain who I am and what I have experienced to describe how I am feeling today.  It's all inter-connected with my thoughts and feelings - the ups and downs / experiences of my life as being single forever. .

Basically, it's all trials I have overcome in the past and I am very happy in my life. I HAVE A GREAT LIFE!!! We all have different experiences that mold us to who we are. Hopefully you can take trials and end up in a positive and happy life - which I have tried to do.

The bottom line for my life is that I have 2 wonderful sons. There is a good chance that I would NEVER have been married or had children (I'm defective - LOL). Sure, there are ups and downs to life, but I choose to focus on the positive and make the best out of what happens and what I have.

I wanted to talk a little about what my feelings are through this experience in finding out Larry was getting married to Mitch.

It happened when Jason and Sharon were over visiting one day. Jason told me he had a voice message from his dad, inviting Jason to his commitment ceremony with Mitch. Jason let me listen to the voice mail (LOL - I don't think Larry would approve).

During the voice mail, Larry had to throw out a jibe in the voice mail towards me and my LDS (Mormon) religion. He said, we can't get married because of your Mom and the Mormons - or something to that effect. I don't think he was being mean, just sad that they couldn't really get married.

I was shocked! I don't think he understands my feelings. I thought he understood my heart and knew I would never judge him. I also don't think the LDS people judge gay people either.

I was also pretty sad that he didn't tell me that he was going to have a ceremony or even send me an invitation. It kind of breaks my heart that he didn't care enough to let me know personally - his friend. I also had to mourn a little in my brain.  I put Larry in a compartment in my mind that he wasn't able to love and commit to anyone - so that I could handle it and fall out of love with him. Now, that had to change. It's all related to my personal relationship with him and how I had to get over him (years ago). It's been a very somber time for me (just as it was when Brady's Dad re-married).

OK....Here is my take on gay marriage. Now these are my personal thoughts........

The LDS church loves every person in this world. It doesn't matter the color of your skin or if you are gay or heterosexual or what religion you belong to. We love everyone as Jesus would if he were on this earth.

Everyone can be a member of this church - it doesn't matter if you are gay.

However, there are laws when you are a member of the church. These laws are for every individual and race. There is no discrimination in regards to God's law.

I choose to be a member of this church which I know and believe is the true church. I, a heterosexual, have to follow the same laws as a homosexual. The law is to remain morally clean, chaste or basically not have sex outside of marriage. It is the same for us all.

There are many good men and women who will never have the opportunity to marry in this church. But we are required to stay morally clean (no sex outside of marriage).

As a Christian and a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I believe in God the Eternal Father and in His Son, Jesus Christ and in the Holy Ghost. I know there is a purpose for this life.

However, I don't understand why some people are gay and some are not. Anymore then I can understand why someone is deaf, blind or has a physical or mental handicap. It is not my place to judge. We are all given our individual challenges that we need to overcome in this lifetime. I believe there is a plan that Heavenly Father gave each of us and that is to live a good life, be happy, overcome our trials the best we can and try to be like our Savior, Jesus Christ.

Now marriage is God's law. It is not man's. It started with Adam and Eve.

We, as LDS people or any other religion on the earth cannot change God's laws - nor do we have the power to change God's law. I think it isn't fair that people are trying to force us to agree to change God's law. We can't do it. We have to stand up for God and his laws.

The LDS Church "believes that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator's plan for the eternal destiny of His children.

ALL HUMAN BEINGS - man and female are created in the image of God. Each is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents and as such, each has a divine nature and destiny. Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal and eternal identity and purpose.

The FAMILY is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity." (The Family, A Proclamation to the World)

Saying all of that .... I am a sinner... Yup, I had a child out of wedlock and I chose to keep him outside of marriage. I am not perfect.

I have done everything I can to repent of my mistakes and try to live by God's laws. Thank goodness for my Savior, who took my sins upon him that I may be forgiven if I repent. AND since I have no plans to marry in this lifetime....I have to remain chaste, morally clean and alone and follow God's laws.

Having said that, I am in NO position to cast judgement on any person on the earth. It is my job to love all men and women. But, I cannot change my belief in God's Laws.

I don't believe we are out to persecute or harm anyone who does not believe in God and his laws. There are  worldly laws that give homosexual commitments the same rights as married people. I think that is fine without changing God's laws and I wish they would quit trying to force us to change God's laws (Sorry).

I'm perfectly fine with Larry and Mitch being together in a committed relationship. I'm glad they are happy and I love them very much. I wouldn't ever shun them in anyway or choose not to be apart of their life or encourage Jason to shun them. It's not who I am as a Christian woman. It is my job to love and accept everyone and I know Larry and he is a good man. I know he would never purposely hurt me or break my heart. He is a good man and I love him no matter what.

I have to say again, that these are my own personal feelings / not a statement from the LDS church.

Larry and Mitch, I wish you the best of luck and happiness in your life. I also want you to know I will always love you and want you to be apart of my family.