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Saturday, September 15, 2012

My Feelings About Sending Brady Off to College

I've been asked many times if I cried when I dropped Brady off to college or when I left.
Nope, I didn't.
My life hasn't been like a normal mom or family.
I divorced when Brady was 2 years old. After my divorce was final, Brady was with his dad every Wednesday and every other weekend. When I moved to Boise when Brady was 3, every month for 15 years Brady has flown to SLC on his own to see his dad.
If I cried every time he left - I would have been crying my whole life. When you are in situations like this you adapt. You have to or else you can't survive. My emotions are pretty much shut down and I don't cry to easily.
Brady says I do, because I do tear up often in Sacrament meeting, reading a book or watching a movie.
But in real life I cry rarely. I take life as it comes and have learned to cope with the ups and downs of raising my children on my own.
I didn't always used to be this way. When I had Jason as a single mom, I cried quite a lot.
During my divorce I cried a LOT.
I guess somewhere along the line I turned it off and don't fret over my life situations anymore. I tend to take it in stride and make the best of every situation.
When Brady left I was excited for him. Excited for this wonderful opportunity to attend BYU, make a great life for himself and meet new friends.
Because he is in Provo, Utah at an LDS college with LDS roommates and LDS atmosphere - there isn't much to worry about. Also the fact that his dad lives down the road in Salt Lake City, Utah makes me know that he has support when he needs it.
It's an exciting adventure for Brady and I'm not sad at all for him.
As for me being an empty nester. I've enjoyed it so far. No one to take care of, worry over, clean up after ... time off --- Squeal! I've been doing everything on my own for such a long time - 28 years ... while I have the full responsibility of working, raising children and maintaining a home. I feel as if I'm on holiday.
At times I feel guilty for sitting and reading a book or doing what I want to do. The guilt comes in and I feel like I should be doing something to take care of my children - a habit. But then I remember that I don't have any obligations and I sit back and relax.
I'm quite happy and not sad at all. Now, all of you know my deepest feelings of being an empty nester ... and I'm OK.
(On the other hand ... I don't understand weeping moms at all - I just don't live in that world)

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