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Friday, February 11, 2011

Ex-husband Getting Married

WOW! I just received an email from my ex-husband. He is getting married again, 3rd time. Here is the email he sent me:

Hi Sondra. Well, you will never guess what. Saying that you might know now. Yes, I have asked Connie to marry me, and she said yes.  

We have been dating for 16 months. I enjoy being around her and always want to spend more time with her. She was the one that was texting me when I was there for Brady's advancement in the priesthood. I love her and want her to be happy.  

She is really sweet and I'm sure you will like her. (I still have good taste in women.) Brady has met her and I think he likes her. Porter likes her. She has 5 kids' a boy and 4 girls. All are married. They all like me and are excited for us. The youngest just got married on the 10th of Feb. in the Manti Temple. She has 3 grandkids and 3 on the way. 1 is due the 17th, your b-day. Happy B-day!

We want to get married in the Oquirrh Mtn Temple. My bishop will be getting a hold of you. Be looking for a letter in the next couple of weeks. I need a sealing clearance to get married in the temple again. They will want to know how you feel about this and me. Be nice Please respond asap. This letter will go to Pres. Monson along with others for the sealing clearance request. 

Then Connie and I will set a date. I would like Brady to be here if possible. I will send you some pictures of us if you like so you can see what she looks like. Let me know if you have any questions. 

Thanks for being such a good mom for Brady. I sure love that boy! See ya later. Maurice

It's always strange when one of my children's fathers get married. I think I struggle, because from my experiences with both of them, I have NO desire to be married again. I am totally broken, which is kinda sad. 

I am happy for them and want them to be happy too. At least this time Maurice isn't getting married 14 days after our divorce was final. It's been 14 years since I have been married to him. I have no problem or feelings over this now. 

I know I am still sealed to Maurice. Brady is sealed to both of us, regardless of this marriage. My sealing won't be canceled and I will enjoy those blessing anyway - although a little bit happier not being married to him - LOL! 

Divorce is hard and so are re-marriages. I think it is best if you make a better choice the first time you are married and don't divorce. Divorce is hard and heartbreaking!! Don't do it. 

Honestly, I can't imagine getting married 3 times.  I am glad that they have dated for 16 months. I think that is wise, and planning on a temple marriage - double good. Hopefully for him it will last this time. 

Update 3/7/2010 I thought I would attach the letter I sent back.

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints
First Presidency

Bishop E. J.

I have been asked to provide a letter with my feelings about a sealing clearance with Morris Mathews.

It has been 14 years since Morris and I have been civilly divorced. Unfortunately we were not wise when we entered into our marriage. The path in my life was altered 9 years before I was married to Morris, when I became a single mother.

Morris and I rushed into our marriage quickly by dating for 1 month and a 2 week engagement. We didn't really know each other. I just wanted to be married and have more children. Morris even received an answer to his prayer not to marry me, and I basically "told" Heavenly Father that I was going to marry Morris. I was not humble at all. At age 30 I wanted to be married.

I was not the perfect wife and he was not the perfect husband. There were many conflicts regarding my son, and I was a protective mother bear. I knew quickly that I had made a wrong choice, but tried to make it work. Morris and I had a son during those next few years. Unfortunately things escalated and we were terrible to each other. I hurt Morris and he hurt me.

If I could go back right now and change the worst, totally unmentionable things, I am not sure I would really change any of them. Especially if changing would mean I would not have the temple blessings I have now or our son. Being sealed as a family and having temple blessings mean the world to me and I am thankful for them even though our marriage failed.

Time has healed my heart through the power of the Atonement. I am thankful that my sins can be forgiven through my Savior, Jesus Christ and that my heart has been healed. There is not a greater gift in my life than the sweet, simple act of forgiveness from my Savior and forgiving myself for not being able to make the marriage work. I might not be the person that I am today without the trials that I had to go through.

I am thankful for those trials. For the lessons I have learned, for the heart that has been both broken, and healed. I am so thankful for my Saviors loving influence in my life.

I would never deny Morris the chance of happiness by being sealed to Connie in the holy temple. I know that things will work out in heaven, for Heavenly Father is just and will bless us with happiness in the eternities if we live worthily to our temple covenants. I don't believe Morris and I will be together in heaven. I believe there is someone else up there that I will be with. However, I need to have my temple ordinances in place to obtain these blessings - my ordinances with Morris.

Morris is also current in his financial obligations in regards to his son. He has always been current through the past 14 years.

Please grant Morris the sealing clearance.

Thank you and Sincerely,

******* I have to remind others who have to write a letter to the First Presidency for a temple clearance .... I know that you have been through a rough marriage and divorce .... but please remember that you are sending the letter to a Prophet of God and Apostles. Please write your letter in an appropriate way. I know reading these letters everyday from angry people weigh on their hearts and minds. I would imagine it is a difficult task to do and read those letters daily.

Write a the letter as if it was going to Heavenly Father himself. Be humble, be repentant and loving - no matter who is at fault. I don't believe they need to know detailed descriptions and anger.  I believe we will be judged at our anger and unforgiving spirit at judgement day. (my own thoughts). Just a gentle reminder to you that those letters go to a Prophet of God... **********


deerie65775 said...

I am glad that you are still 'sealed', even though you are divorced... too often when a husband remarries, he and the new 'wife' want a temple divorce, which leaves former wife without temple blessings. It sounds like you are a wise (and wisened) woman!
Maybe some day the right one will come along, but it is good to know that you are at peace with your life!!

Laura Lynn said...

Wow - that must have been a shocker! It's good that you took it well.

I'm not sure how I feel about Temple divorces and hopefully will never have to think about it.

My parents divorced but my dad was not a member so we didn't have to worry about any sealings. They remained friends though so that was good.

My mom did not want to (and didn't) get married again. She would say, "Why would I want to get up and pack a lunch for someone again when I could be out enjoying the rest of my life? ha ha"

My dad did remarry and he regretted it. It was kind of a nightmare for him. They were married for 7 years before he died and she kept all of his money and personal belongings (many of which were in our home while growing up) and didn't give us our rightful inheritance but she gave a bunch to her grown children.

I don't think people think about things like that when there are 2nd marriages but they should!

I do hope it works out for them. And you too - Don't feel bad about not wanting to get remarried. You have to do what's best for you!

Sondra said...

When I was divorced, my stake president who was also a good friend, called me in and talked to me about the blessings of the temple ordinance. I know Heavenly Father will be good to me if I live worthily and it will all work out in heaven. I'm not a bit worried. I am thankful I had the opportunity to marry in the temple and receive those wonderful ordinances.

Laura Lynn, I am also a product of my parents divorcing and my dad re-marrying. When he died the same thing happened to our family. The hardest thing about my father was that he divorced his 5 kids in the divorce too. He was more of a father to his step children then he was to his own children. It was sad when he passed away - but I was furious when I realized how much of a father he was to his step children during the funeral.

Divorce hurts families. It is a sad thing. I have to say again.... don't do it. Work it out, stay married and work on your marriage - especially if you have children.

Garden of Egan said...

Sondra, I'm happy that you feel so good about this.
It's healthy for Brady to see you loving and accepting.
You are a wonderful woman.

Connie said...

I've not dealt with divorce in my family until my daughter left an abusive temple marriage. It's been hard to see what she's gone through and yet wonderful to see her become the woman she is meant to be. You seem to be a strong, well-adjusted woman and I love your attitude.

With a name of Connie, maybe she's not too bad! :-)

Patty Ann said...

Sondra, I too, have dealt with this. It was not easy. But I am happily married and have been for 16 years. Heavenly Father really does know what we need. I think the best thing in the world for kids who have divorced parents is to know that both their parents love them, and as much as possible, get along. It can be rough, but so worth it. Good for you to have worked through your feelings and come to this place. It was so hard on me when we got divorced, but we became friends over the years. Now that he is gone, I am so grateful that I don't have any bad feelings for him.

Zoey said...

I am at a loss of words. I hope that he can be happy and be good to his children.

Valerie said...

Your post left me in tears because of what I am going through today. I am so glad, though, that you are okay with the situation of him remarrying. Divorce is so much worse than anyone who has not gone through it thinks it is. My ex was not willing to try to work things out and still thinks that it's not a big deal. It is huge and I don't know how he can think that. Well, I would say more, but this is online so I better not. I'll just say *hugs* to you, a wonderful lady who will get soooo many blessings in the next life if you don't in this life!

Cherie said...

You have a great attitude about this Sondra - it is super healthy for Brady and for yourself.
It is nice that you are happy and content with your life.

Anonymous said...

Wow! What an inspiration you are on how to make "lemonade out of lemons"! I have been married 37 years, and it many times it has been a rocky road journey. You have worked through your life's journey without bitterness--remarkable! The depth of your forgiveness is aligned with what Christ expects. May you always be able to maintain a proper prospective in your life.


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