If you have been a reader of my blog, you probably know that I love to serve to the best of my ability in every calling I have been called to in my lifetime. I've served in the Young Women's presidency, been Primary President 2 times and have been in Primary presidencies several times. I've been a Cub Scout leader (Wolf, Bear and Webelos), I've been a Primary teacher, Primary chorister (my favorite calling), a Relief Society teacher which I've struggled with, and of course a Visiting Teacher. I've always love to serve.
Well...... until this year. I've REALLY, really struggled with being called to the nursery. I know that I tend to be a bit prideful and it has been hard for me to be put in the nursery.
One thing I never realized while serving in a Primary Presidency is how isolating serving in the nursery is. You are stuck in a room for 2 hours with no adult contact other then the other sister I've served with. There is no growing in the gospel. It has been a really hard calling for me and I've struggled.
Now, don't get me wrong. I've done a terrific job and I have served to the best of my ability. In fact the children love me and I love them. It's just hard to be isolated from everyone else.
I also have had the feeling that the new Primary President that put me in the nursery (new to the ward and has no idea who I am) has intended to keep me in there for longer then a year because the nursery is being ran correctly and she has no worries there. However, I can't do it anymore. I've been sick for the past 3 weeks and I'm just tired of being there. I'm struggling. I've asked to be released which gives me such guilt because of feelings of failure in doing my duty and giving my service.
I'm just tired of serving right now. I just don't have much to give without strengthening myself spiritually or something. I need a break.
Then Elder Dube comes out with this talk and I feel double guilt. He said, "In the sight of the Lord, it is not so much what we have done or where we have been but much more where we are willing to go."
Elder Dube said, "We too can look ahead and believe. We can embrace the invitation of our Lord, who with stretched - open hands invites us;
"Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart; and ye shall find rest unto your souls.
For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light" (Matthew 11: 28-30)
I know that we have to do more and President Monson has extended the invitation for us all to participate in the work of salvation. We are being asked to help with full-time missionaries as the work goes forward.
For me, right now it's hard not to look back at all I've done - but have a willingness to look forward and do more. It's a struggle that I am having right now - but am prayerful that I will overcome this and move forward with a happy and willing heart.
"May we all unite in a common objective "to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man" (Moses1:39)
There is happiness in serving in the church, I've always loved it. I'm not perfect and I have my struggles too, but I am determined to overcome the challenges I'm having now and that I will have a willingness to move forward in the work.