Thursday, October 31, 2013
Sunday, October 27, 2013
At the end of Brady's school year at BYU, he finally came out as a gay man to me. That is why is has decided not to return to BYU and transferred to UofU.
This wasn't an easy thing for him. He had been meeting with members of the bishopric, fasting, praying, reading his scriptures and doing everything he could to make this go away. But, as we all know - it isn't something that CAN go away. It was really hard for Brady to acknowledge and come out to the world as a gay man.
I love Brady no matter what. It doesn't change my feelings toward him in the least. The hardest part for me was to change the dreams of my future. I have had to acknowledge that I won't be a grandmother and so that changes my future completely. Now I've had to look at my life and make a bucket list for the future.
I've had many family members tell me their judgement on my dear son and it sickens me. But, in the long run - I don't need their guilt or judgement. I can walk away - because I will NOT allow that kind of feeling or judgement in my life. I choose happiness and love.
Brady is still a son of our Heavenly Father and he should be treated with love - no matter what your feelings are. I also have to say that I am ashamed from the attitudes I'm finding from LDS people about gay individuals. I can't believe how hateful they are and I'm ashamed of them and their judgments.
The other thing that sickens me about parents who have children come out as gay, is that a lot of them kick their children out of the house, disown them or try to make them change or make them feel less then human. I'm ashamed of all of them and they make me sick. I can't even imagine turning my back on Brady - EVER. Don't expect me to - because I won't. You can make any judgement about me or my son and I don't care one bit.
I have turned off comments because I refuse to have people judge me or my son. If you choose to leave my site as a follower - not big deal. I just don't really care about such judgmental people.
Being gay is not something you can catch. It's not a disease. It's not something you can change. It is biological. Don't judge!
Here is Brady's facebook post as he came out to his friends:
I’m so frozen over and numb to pain that I don’t care who knows now.
Dear friends and family, I am gay, not that it should be much of a shocker to anyone.
I’ve actually been out since May, and got a lot more comfortable with it when I moved up here to Salt Lake in August to start my own life. What I have not done is made it publically aware to people beyond the extent of my close friends and family at home- like coming out on Facebook. Well, I’m not even going to try and hide who I am forever, I’m not ashamed. I was in the most wonderful relationship with a man- it is now no more- but I was asked to grow, define, and discover myself a little more. So that is why I wanted to be honest with all of you, this is one my growing experiences.
I originally didn’t want to do this because of all the LDS influences in my life and I didn’t know what they would think. As of now, I don’t even care if my own father were to know, who I am not currently out to. I had a lot of soul searching being once a Mormon. Here is what I have concluded; not all of us are meant to become celestial beings. We are here to find out who we are, and we will be given our kingdoms accordingly. We will be put in the place that will make us the happiest, and for me, I now shoot for the glory of the moon rather than the sun. I do not feel truly happy trying to strive towards celestial glory. There is a lot of myself I would have to deny, and I am not going to do that when I am here to discover myself.
This is why I left Brigham Young University. I did not feel worthy, and I was tired of feeling like I would get kicked out of school if others found out my “dark side.” If I have told you that I chose the U because of the computer science program here, that was just a happy coincidence. That is why I chose to go to the U, but that is not why I left BYU. I equate leaving BYU to kicking myself out of heaven; it does not make me happy.
So yes, when I didn’t want to go on a mission, that was the reason, I know it upset and disappointed a lot of people. I’m not going to try and please anyone by being a cookie cutter image of what is correct or right anymore. I am still strong, intelligent, and a nice person who will always try and chose what is right given any situation. Nothing much has changed about me except the fact that I’ve completely accepted myself, and I expect others to do the same from now on.
Along with this, I don’t think I’ll be dating anyone for a long time. I’ve had bad experiences with the cup of love, and it’s too bitter for my taste. I think I’ll put it that chalice down for a while. [Guys are really stupid and frustrating; a curse all on its own from being gay, if I could chose to be straight I would, trust me.] I truly think that I am gay so that I can be closer to women, not men [Women are so much better]. This being that I can be complete friends with any girl, and there won’t be an awkward sexual boundary between us, allowing us to stay friends, while at the same time adding a male influence in their life, even though it may be a little more feminine than masculine.
Anyway, I’m going through a hard time and would like the support of all my real friends to carry me through this hard week. You’re all wonderful people, and I hope that this will only strengthen our relationships instead of bring them down.
Brady posted on October 30th: I'd like to thank you all for the love and support I have received these past few days. I really appreciate each and every single one of you. You're all wonderful and beautiful people. — feeling better.