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Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Me and Jason's Dad

I think I need to explain a little about my life being in love with Jason's Dad - Larry - before I talk about his wedding.. Just a little back ground. I was living in Logan Utah when I met Larry. I was 21 years old and working at Kmart. I started working at Kmart when I was 16 as a checker. I worked up to a check out supervisor 6 months after I started working for them. Then I was in charge of the Infants department. This is all when I was in high school. A year after I graduated from high school a new store in Logan Utah was built and I transferred there. I met Larry while working at Kmart - He worked there too - and we started dating.. This is when I was 21 years old and an Assistant Manager.

I ended up getting pregnant. It was a very hard and tearful time in my life. Larry didn't want to marry me - but he did give me a promise ring at Christmas time. Then after a short time later he left and went back home to Oregon. I was devastated... he wanted me to get an abortion, but I wouldn't. I decided to go ahead and have my baby and keep him as a single Mom.

As my due date came up, we got in touch again and he was going to try and come for the delivery. Of course I had hope that we would be together and live happily ever after as a family. I had high hopes. Larry didn't make it for the delivery.

When Jason was 6 weeks old Larry's family sent me a plane ticket to come and see them in Oregon. It was my first plane ride at the age of 22.

We had a great time and I thought we were falling in love and it would work out. We left Jason with Grandma Barb and went on an overnight trip to the redwoods and the coast. It was fun and we decided that he would move back with me to Pocatello Idaho and we would try to become a family and work it out.
We tried for a few months but he couldn't do it.
He stayed for Jason's first Christmas (this is our picture and I can't find the one with Jason in it). Then he left us and it was completely heart breaking.

We kept in touch for years, because he was Jason's Daddy. I always had hope that we would be together as a family one day.
There were many trips through the years to see him and his family.
Uncle Jim, Grandma Barb, Grandpa Ronnie, Sondra, Larry and Jason.
Every time we were together we always had a great time. I loved him with all my heart.
I always wanted to be a family.
Larry would visit now and then and for holidays.
I did this for years and years... Kept hoping that he would fall in love with us and be with us.

Then I had to give up the dream and our relationship changed to a brother/sisterly love.

I did date from time to time... OK - yeah I dated a lot. There were quite a few times that I really liked someone and dated them for a while. However,  there was one particular man I fell in love with.
Ron Anderson. Ron had already been married 2 times and had 4 children whom I loved. Unfortunately I fell head over hills in love with Ron .... but he didn't want to be married to me - which I didn't find out until wasting a whole year of my life waiting for him to ask me to marry him. I was foolish to keep dating someone who didn't have marriage on his mind. I just kept getting older and older as my heart kept getting broken by men who didn't want to marry me. What a waste of time!

At age 31,  I met Maurice and after 1 month of dating him he asked me to marry him. I wanted to be married so bad and have more babies. Jason was 9 years old. PLUS, I was sooooo tired of the dating life!!!!
I'm embarrassed to say that I married Maurice 2 weeks later... We knew each other for 6 weeks... Or we really didn't know each other at all. After 3 months of being married to Maurice I knew I had made a mistake but tried and tried to make it work for 3 1/2 years - but it ended up in a divorce (which is another long story). It should be noted that I divorced Maurice/not the other way around. I wasn't the perfect wife and he wasn't the perfect husband either. It was just two people who were not compatible to work it out long term. It was foolish to marry someone that quick!

When Maurice remarried 2 weeks after our divorce was final - I couldn't believe it. It really hurt me. I felt all those insecurities again. Did he not have any feelings for me at all? To rush off and marry someone else so fast?? It was heart breaking to know that he could move on so fast. I guess I'm really lucky that I got out when I did.. ANYWAY......

To say I haven't had the best luck with men is an understatement.

During my difficult and heart break of a broken marriage and Maurice's remarriage -- I begged Larry to tell me if he was gay or not. I had suspected that he was through the years but he would never tell me because he was afraid I would not let him see Jason again.

He finally told me he was gay. . . . . .

FINALLY... it wasn't me... it was him... Oh the years of heart break and sadness that he couldn't love me... Of course you take that internally that something is wrong with you... Then you become insecure and it doesn't show to good to men that you date... Not a real good thing :-(

I was relieved and wished that he would have told me this before. It would have saved me years and years of waiting for us to be a family and move on... Probably it would have helped my mental state a little too.

Larry and my relationship has always been best of friends. I love Larry like a brother. I'm glad we are friends. It doesn't matter to me that he is gay. He is still a good man and I love him.

Soooooo when I say Larry got married  .... well, it wasn't so much a marriage as a commitment ceremony. I'm happy for him - that he has found someone to love and commit to - Mitch.
My life is a soap opera and has been quite a wild ride during the last 25 years. Just a little back ground before I move forward and tell about Jason's trip to attend Lawrence and Mitch's commitment ceremony.
:-D

6 comments:

Garden of Egan said...

Very heart wrenching story Sondra.
I'm sorry you've had to go throgh this. Your faith and desire to be the person you are is so inspiring.

You live such a Christlike example of acceptance and love. Thank you.

Valerie said...

Wow. That's a lot of heartache for one person. I'm sure you have lots of other blessings and are building your mansion in heaven being the wonderful person that you are, but I hope you can also find happiness with someone in this life. You deserve it!

Ann Marie said...

I knew some of this story.. but not all of it. It is very, very sad.

You are such a strong lady.. and I am grateful that you always had faith and just kept moving forward to find your true love...

All of those men TRULY lost out.. not to have you.

I laughed when I saw the old 80's clothes that Larry was wearing. Too funny.

PS: I know you print your blog out.. so I just want to tell you that I noticed you need to change the name Brady to Jason... it's when you were talking about going up to meet with Larry's family..
I always have samll typos.. and I like it when people tell me.. :)

Ann Marie said...

See.. I did a typo -- leaving a comment.. small.. not samll.. hee-hee..

Cherie said...

Wow that is alot of sadness and heartbreak. I am so sorry that that all happened to you.
It helps me to understand a bit more why you kind of keep to yourself and have a hard time letting anyone get close to you even as a friend, etc...
Even with the heartache you experienced you DID get two boys who are the joys of your life and that is a happy thing!!
You are still young Sondra I hope you are able to open up and find real love in your life. Someone to appreciate and cherish you!
I read the post above too. I honestly don't know what to say. It is alot to take in. Wow! I think you put how LDS people feel about gay people in the right light though.
I'm glad Jason was able to be there for his dad.

Zoey said...

I had never seen the pictures of you and Larry. They are really nice! Of course, I have known the story for as long as I can remember. We were hoping that Maurice was a prince; instead, he was a toad. That's okay because Brady is SO great and so is Jason. I am so glad that you have these 2 young men in your life!!!

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